Tuesday, 24 March 2009

A letter from Jonesy

I found a document containing some literary brain farts I used to make in the form of diary entries of a fictional madman named Jonesy. Maybe I should make a blog for him, or compile all this crap into a book. I could sell possibly TENS of copies.

Anyway, I wrote a new one:


To anyone who would like to learn to read,

It was amidst a plethora of tintillating ponderings this morning that I entertained the notion of writing a short novel. It would mainly be about a dwarf, sorry, "little midget", and only contain words that exceed no more than four letters. My favourite letter of the English alphabet coincidentally is four letters long. It is the well known "Ellemenoepee", the letter proudly following "K". My novel will, although not necessarily in this oder, feature a beginning, a middle and hopefully an end, permitting that I do not exceed my word count, which is dismally low. All of this, of course, will exist solely in the depths of my fertile imagination, an asset nurtured through excessive procrastination and atom counting on the bedroom carpet.

In the time it takes to move to a new paragraph I have totally discarded the ambition to write a novel. In it's place I have decided to build an inflatable water bathtub, for when one wishes to bathe in the sea, not using the same water. Such is my nature, to lose interest in one pursuit only to jump joyously to another without hestitation. So, my friends, once I have built my toilet-copter, (I have already tired of the bathtub), you will be the first to know and possibly receive a prototype, providing that is that I first finish my novel.

It would be rude of me not to say goodbye.......



Monday, 9 March 2009

John Locke Caricature

Ladies and Gentlemen...

John Locke!

Lost is such an amazing show and Locke is one interesting character. Usually, at this point in a post, I would attempt some flamboyant retort, but it is late and my brain has fallen over.

For this picture I mainly used pencils.

Sharp ones.

Sunday, 8 March 2009

Please stop writing "LOL"!

Once, in the days when I used to use Messenger (before the realisation that it sucks up your life), I was busy 'conversing' with a friend of mine who had his webcam activated. He made a comment, ending it with the seemingly oligatory 'lol'. What caught my attention was that his stone-faced expression on his webcam was anything but 'Laughing Out Loud', in fact the only 'lol-ing' happening was myself at the lack of 'lol-ing' on his end.

Why is it that we feel the need to add this little abbreviation? It's initial intention was to help portray the true feeling of the author where the text may not be enough, the same way that smilies are used. Quite often it acts as the little nervous laugh people do when in conversation, while either being polite or saying something they don't want to offend with.

Stop using it, especially in critiques! Lest we fall even deeper into a world of Orwellian Newspeak. It is ungood.

I was speaking to Krystal about this and we came up with another version of what it stands for. Whenever you feel the need to type 'LOL' (or even, I shudder to think, say the word) ask yourself, is the context actually funny? If not, remind yourself it could also stand for:

Low On Linguistics.

I'm actually in a really good mood. Lol.

Michael Palin caricature

I love Monty Python. I believe it was on a Wednesday night after cub scouts I'd pick up a bag of chips and watch comedy that was totally different to anything else that was around at the time, or indeed following that. What I'd be really interested to see is a DVD/Blu-ray compilation of all the animations that Terry Gilliam made for the series, that would make me laugh so much that I'd have to watch some contemporary comedy just to calm me down. Easy now...

Anyways, here's a caricature of Michael Palin. I'd love to sit in a room with this guy and have him just talk to me for hours about his multitude of lifetime experiences he has gained pre-Python, during Python, Ripping Yarns and all his travelling around the world. Mr Palin, in the unlikely event that you'd ever read this, here's an invitation for a cuppa.

I've been told my tea making skills is second to none.

I really have to cut down on the caffeine.